


My Immortal

by Deans_Fetish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blasphemy, Character Death, Gen, Spoilers for S2 & S4 if you squint, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-11
Updated: 2009-07-11
Packaged: 2018-09-09 08:19:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8883658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deans_Fetish/pseuds/Deans_Fetish
Summary: The demon boy prince is dead and Dean is barely holding it all together... and then he isn't at all.





	

Flower lines the walls, so many damn flowers the place was starting to look like a goddamn jungle. Shades of green, red, pinks and white, yellows, oranges and blues filled the room and at the front, the long shiny black coffin that held him.

The place was full of people, people coming to say their final goodbyes, people to wish him well, to tell him that if there was anything they could do, to let them know...

Anything they could do, yeah, he had something they could do alright... but no, he wouldn't ask that, he knew better than anyone what the outcome was and he would never wish that on another living soul.

And just as he had promised him he wouldn't do it again himself. As much as he was tempted, in those quiet moments when it got to him, yeah, he was still tempted, even knowing what he knew, just to see his smile again.

Dean walked up the center isle, between the rows of chairs, that was when he saw her sitting there, crying, her head hanging forward.  
He hoped that she didn't see him, he was having a hard enough time holding it together as it was, he didn't to see her, the woman who had been like a mother to he and Sam, crying.

Pressing his tie against his chest with one hand as he walked, he brought the other up, coughing into his fist.

That was when she stood, throwing herself into his arms.

Dean tensed from head to toe before he slowly moved to wrap his arms around her.

Thankfully, Bobby was there in a flash, pulling Ellen away.

"I got 'er." Bobby mumbled as he wrapped his arms around Ellen.

Dean gave a small nod, righting his suit jacket. He turned to walk away, to continue forward, only to have her call out to him, "Dean, please..."

Dean stopped in mid-step, turning back to face her.

He watched as she shook her head, "Oh Dean..." she started to cry again.

Dean cleared his throat, blinking back his own tears.

"Don't, Ellen." he told her, "Sam," he shook his head, "Sam wouldn't want you to cry like this." Dean told her, "He's in a better place now." he forced a smile.

Ellen shook her head, "How? How can you of all people say that, Dean? How can you be so sure?"

Dean's jade eyes, shining with his own unshed tears, darted to Bobby's face before he looked back at Ellen, "Faith," he shrugged slightly, "Sometimes, you just have to believe in something Ellen."

Dean's eyes filled with tears, one escaping to trail down his cheek as he pressed his lips together, looking away for a moment, muscle in his jaw twitching, before he looked back at her, "And at least he isn't a monster anymore."Dean gritting his teeth as he spoke.

Dean spun on his heel then, storming from the room, right past the casket, holding is little brother's dead body.

Dean walked to the back of the mortuary, through door after door, slamming each one closed as he went, until he was far enough back he was certain that no one would hear him.

Slamming the door to that room he looked toward the ceiling, "WHY!?!?!?! YOU SONUVABITCH!!! WHY!?!?!?!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, the veins in his neck protruding, as his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Dean slid down the wall as sobs tore from his throat, tears falling freely down his face.

"It's not fair, s'not fair." he mumbled, shaking his head, voice raw, tortured, so so very broken.

Dean sat there thinking about Sam, about when he was little and had reached his little hand into the Lucky Charms box and offered him the toy.

About when he had went to get Sam at college and the wrestling match that had ensued, 'Easy Tiger', had been Dean's response to Sam's counter attack.

About how broken Sam had been when he had lost Jessica.

About how hurt and crushed, how utterly lost he had looked, seemed, been when Sam had learned more about what that bastard demon had done to him. When Dean had to tell him what their father had said.

He thought about the last time Sam had died, about how he had held Sam in his arms as the light went out of those slightly slanted hazels. How limp his body had become in his arms and how part of Dean had died with him, Dean was sure that it had, he knew it sure as hell had felt like it.

He thought about Sam trying so hard to save him from having to go to hell, how adamant he had been, how determined.

How broken Sam was the night that his time was up, the night that the hellhound had come for him.

He thought about how Sam was when he had come back from hell, how different, how secretive and how Dean had missed 'his Sammy.

He thought about that fucking skank Ruby and how she had tricked Sam, how Sam had looked when he learned that he had not only killed Lilith, but opened the last seal, freeing Lucifer... so lost and scared, broken and confused.

Dean grit his teeth as he kicked out a leg, his foot connecting with the chair across from him, knocking it over.

Slowly Dean pulled his leg back in, sitting there on the floor, legs drawn up, wrists on his knees.

Dean threw his head back, banging it on the wall, once, twice, three times.

"YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HIM!!!! HE BELIEVED IN YOU!!!! YOU BASTARD HE BELIEVED!!!!!" Dean screamed at the ceiling, head tilted back.

Sobs tore at Dean's throat, his chest heaved with them, shoulders shaking, tears soaked his face.

He wept openly, head hanging for a long while before lifting his head and letting out a heart wrenching scream of soul deep agony.

Dean raised his hands to his face, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes as he continued to cry openly, sobs tearing from his burning throat.

Gentle hands gripped Dean's shoulders from the side, pulling him over slightly, before arms wrapped around him, around his shaking shoulders.

His hands slowly falling away from his eyes to hang limply at his sides as he wept, turning his head and burying his face against beige polyester.

"Why, Cas? Why? S' not fair, s'not fair," Dean mumbled softly, brokenly.

The angel drew in a deep breath before he exhaled slowly, "Dean, I have been around from before the earth existed and the one thing that I know about things like this is that humans never have a chance of ever understanding why."  
It was as close to 'The Lord works in mysterious ways' as Castiel knew he could get with Dean.

A sob tore from Dean's throat, "Sammy," his face crumbled, "Sa-AM-MYYYYY!!!" Dean cried, his shoulders shaking with his loud sobs as tears ran down his face.

Castiel held onto Dean, rocking him back and forth slightly.

The angel looked down at Dean as he pressed his lips together, moving to sit more comfortably on the floor beside Dean, though he never let go.

Dean hiccuped in a few breaths, sniffling.

"I miss 'im." Dean told the angel.

Castiel gave a barely there nod, "I know Dean, I know."


End file.
